


We got this thing going on

by Flintasmagoria



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Infidelity, Jealousy, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Pining, Swearing, cuz cheating, no beta we die like men, questionable morals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:22:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29976627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flintasmagoria/pseuds/Flintasmagoria
Summary: Modern AU where we are moving up North, becoming best friends and realizing our true feelings.That fic was inspired by a documentary about Swedish fish and fueled by my fascination of writing unfaithful characters.
Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/John Silver, Captain Flint/Original Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	We got this thing going on

“John! For fuck’s sake!” Came the loud shout right above his head.

He turned off the pump engine he has been gunning for the last five minutes, took off his headphones and glanced around his shoulder. “What?”

James rolled his eyes and snorted, passing him on his way to the bow. “I’ve got to make a call while we’re on the mainland: it’s Eleanor’s first day at the new job.” He smiled, smoothing his beard and moustache with his palm, and leaning on a rail, shooting John a mirthful glance.

“Look at you! James Flint, a proud patriarch.” – Silver smiled brightly, watching how James wiggled his eyebrows, and how morning light shone on his auburn hair – “Send Nora my love, I’ll call her myself when we’re back, we’ve got plenty of yarn to spin.”

James nodded, turning around with his phone to his ear. John allowed his gaze to travel down and stay there for a while. In a minute he was making final preparations before their departure. When everything was ready, he called his own family to let them know that he and James were to return to the mainland in three days. Madi wished them a good haul and, after lengthy but amusing banter with their too-smart- for-his-own-good son, who had recently become fascinated with orcas, he switched off the phone and closed his eyes, slowly breathing out.

That was his favorite part: that moment of serenity when all the noise subsided, his normal life left behind. He was always happy to go out to sea, loving that all-encompassing feeling of freedom being out in the deep blue. There, he could be alone with James.

He heard Flint whistling loudly through his teeth and turned on the engine, steering them out of the bay and down the river. In under two hours of motoring along its multiple bends, they were going to reach open waters.

“Beans on toast?” James presented him a plate, tilting it left and right.

“You know me so goddamn well.” John chuckled, watching the other man smile at him with such ease and affection, that it made his heart clench pleasantly.

They shared their favorite snack standing at the helm, peacefully observing the silken smooth water surface stretching out in front of them. It was late spring, and both men were fully appreciating warm wind and the sun, so rare in these parts.

“I remember everything being _exactly like that,_ ” – James said, gesturing with his toast around them – “On our very first haul.”

“Can you believe it was almost ten years ago?” John shook his head, grinning at James upon seeing him also shaking his head.

“No, I frankly can’t.” – His tone was wistful – “On our first run though, the weather was so mild…We had to rush to catch up on that extremely large shoal out of eastern Baltic. Madi was pregnant with Jim at the time, I remember how anxious you were to leave her alone ashore.” He smiled at John.

“But with profits of that haul alone we had been able to pay all our dues and get the inn up and running.” John said, wincing a bit at James’ mention of his wife.

Silver had never understood how James could genuinely like and care about Madi, given their delicate situation. She was, of course, an amazing person, there was little not to like about her. But at the same time, she and John had a history: they remained married and had a kid together. James was a genius at compartmentalizing, it seemed. John himself was unable to talk freely about James’ exes and he always reacted defiantly to anyone who tried to spark Flint’s interest, and there always has been quite a few of those.

About ten years ago John and Madi, fed up with their stressful life in London, had made a conscious decision to move up north. They did not care much at the time where the fate would bring them. John had been receiving his pension monthly and Madi herself had inherited some assets, so they had had a relative freedom of choice. However, as they were both quite industrious individuals, the only mutually acceptable strategy was to set up a business and build up their new life from there. On one of charity gatherings of the Royal Navy John had brought that topic in a conversation with his old shipmate Logan, who was astounded by such coincidence: he had heard that one fellow retired officer recently moved up to Northern Sweden with exactly the same goal in mind. It did not take long for John to gather some intel on James Flint – a respected and distinguished captain – as well as his phone number. He even managed to find a couple of mutual acquaintances to vouch for him.

“Captain Flint? Good morning, here’s John Silver, you’ve probably already received a call from Lieutenant Gates? On my behalf?” John had started that conversation rather stiltedly, realizing how eggy and ridiculous his call might appear to Flint.

“No, Mr. Silver, I’m afraid Hal was not able to reach me those past couple of days – I’ve been in the wild, neck-deep in moose dung and blueberries.” Flint’s tone was polite, but he sounded very relaxed and amiable. John could imagine this man sitting comfortably on his porch with a freshly opened bottle of beer.

“Hardly an appetizing mix.” John chuckled, feeling instantly at ease.

“Indeed, but it was worth it. I got some decent shots of wildlife.”

“You’re into photography?”

“Oh, I’m merely an amateur, but if you’d seen those vast landscapes, I bet you’d be dead eager to capture some of that beauty as a small memento.”

“I can imagine! That is actually one of the reasons I’m calling you: my wife and I have been thinking about moving to Sweden as well.”

“Have you really? Pray tell.”

After that they had talked for half an hour about this and that, swiftly agreeing on switching to a first-name basis. John could not remember the last time he had had such pleasant and stimulating conversation, the fact that it was with a complete stranger over the phone intrigued him even more. 

“-So what kind of ventures are we talking about?” John asked, after expressing his interest to invest.

“Hospitality – I’ve got an inn.” – A low melodic voice on the other end of the line filled John with hopes – “Apart from that – small-scale commercial fishing. I’m currently looking for an appropriate vessel. What do you think about it?”

“It is of course somewhat premature, but I must admit that I’m embarrassingly thrilled about it all. In my mind, I’ve already packed my suitcase.”

John smiled upon hearing Flint’s chuckle. “I’d say, get over here and see for yourself then.”

A week later, John was driving a rented car to a small town, surrounded by hills and lakes. Madi remained in London, sending him off on his scout mission with some understandable worry. John checked Flint’s address once more, parking in front of a beautiful two-storey house. He got out of the car, raking through his hair and registering as many details about his surroundings as possible. John was nervous to meet the captain, as he feared that their easy amicability could, for whatever reason, evaporate upon them meeting tete-a-tete.

The man who stepped out on the porch to greet him was not at all how John had imagined him. Though John was not even sure what his expectations of the captain truly were. He only knew that it was _not that_. Flint was tall and fit, his broad shoulders and powerful legs indicated years of hard physical training. One could easily recognize his military posture. His hair and short beard were dazzling shade of red in the sun. As a vivid art lover, John found Flint’s chiseled features extremely pleasing to the eye. He was dressed casually, a checkered flannel shirt with an open collar, cargo pants and old trainers. He did not seem messy, more like styled in that perfectly laid-back fashion. His gaze on John was sharp, but his inquisitive expression was mollified by a friendly smile.

“James Flint.” The man profited his hand, studying John’s face.

“John Silver.” He took his hand in a firm handshake, smiling back at James.

“Glad you’ve made it, John.” – Flint said, gesturing to the front door – “Fancy a breakfast?”

“I wouldn’t mind, if you already got everything set up.” John shrugged, following James into the house.

“We’re having full English.” James looked around his shoulder to smirk at John.

“Perfect.” John nodded, at the same time taking in minimalistic, but stylish interior of James’ house.

Just like that, two hours flew by with them finishing their meal, immersed in a conversation, that was neither wary nor awkward. John need not have worried, that easy connection between them was there. He had told Flint about his background and his wife, their future plans and his personal hopes and aspirations. He was surprised by his own sincerity. It felt like they had known each other for decades.

James had told him, that he had a shared custody of his thirteen-year-old daughter Eleanor with his ex-wife, who remained in London. Silver was astounded to learn that the girl was resolute to leave her mother behind and go live with her father in the foreign countryside. They were still settling legal issues surrounding such procedure, all the while Flint busied himself with finishing up the house and taking care of his business ventures in the town.

“She must be a quite extraordinary teenager! To leave the only life she’d ever known, her mother, friends, school, and move here? Not many adults have the guts to do something like that.” John said, watching James’ face attentively.

“Eleanor got a very strong character.” – James said, not even trying to hide how proud he was – “That idea of hers alarmed me at first: how can I be sure that the way of living that makes me happy would also be right for my girl? Comparing to London, there’s not awful much to do here… But if my daughter wants to live with me here, who the hell am I to refuse? Even a foreign school doesn’t frighten her. I’m expecting her arrival in a month.”

“I’m sure you’ll be happy together.” John said with a sympathetic smile.

“Thank you, I very much hope so.” – Flint said, taking their empty plates away – “Now, what do you think about driving to the town? We can check up the inn and the marina first, and then maybe a quick tour?”

“Sounds great.”

John’s spirits were high, and that day spent in Flint’s company did nothing but reinforce his hopeful mood. The small town was charming and seemed perfect to settle down in. It was quiet, but there was a steady flow of tourists, coming over to camp and fish in the idyllic surroundings. Flint’s newly bought inn ‘Admiral Benbow’ was still being renovated, planning to be open in a couple of months. John could see its potential clearly and did not hesitate to tell James a couple of ideas he had just come up with. Flint listened to him attentively, nodding a couple of times in agreement. It was obvious, that John’s suggestions were seriously considered by the owner. And, once again, Silver felt a slight pull in his chest. He felt like _this_ was right.

“John?” James’ tone was soft, he placed his palm on Silver’s shoulder, looking at him curiously.

“Sorry, got caught up in old memories.” John said, shaking himself out of his stupor. He laid his hand on top of James’ and squeezed it reassuringly.

“Do you wanna stay around western shore or go a bit further?”

“I want to go as far away as possible.” John said, averting his gaze to vastness of the Gulf.

“Something wrong?” James asked carefully after a long pause.

“Just a bit cranky, I don’t know…” – John replied, shaking his head – “I’m going down to get myself a beer. D’you want anything?”

“Only one kiss from you…” James said in overly dramatic manner that instantly put a smile on John’s face and made him roll his eyes.

John leaned in, putting his palm on the back of Flint’s neck. He kissed him firmly, sliding his tongue teasingly over James’ full bottom lip. Flint returned his kiss with dedication, raking away John’s windswept hair. When Silver finally pulled back, James gently touched a corner of his mouth with his thumb, put on his sunglasses and smirked at John smugly, walking off in the direction of the bow.

“I love you _so fucking much_.” John thought, watching James’ purposeful stride. He bit his lip, being once more overwhelmed by his anxious thoughts that were gradually driving him insane for quite some time.

For almost ten years James and John had been business partners and close friends. It was not a big surprise, that they were getting along exceptionally well, since they had instantly taken a liking to each other from the beginning. But their relationship grew stronger, their friendship deepened with each passing year. Their lives were intertwined in such manner, that they could practically refer to each other as family. They had been there for each other through thick and thin. Madi and little Jim adored Flint, who returned their affection with all his heart, and Eleanor was like a daughter to John.

Silver remembered a party they were throwing to celebrate their fifth year living abroad. Madi’s parent were visiting, so little Jim was basking in everyone’s attention, dragging Nora everywhere he went. As soon as he had heard a car pulling over in his driveway, John stepped out on his porch. James was already getting a beer crate out of the trunk.

“Oh shit! I totally forgot about beer!” John slapped his forehead.

“I knew you were gonna.” – James grinned, approaching him with a mirthful glint in his eyes – “That’s why I brought it.” He clapped Silver’s shoulder passing him by and venturing into the house, where he was immediately greeted with loud cheers from everyone present.

John followed him inside, watching them all with a fond smile. It was the moment when he realized that the only thing that he had been lacking this whole time was a true friend. Up to his teenage years he had had friends: they used to be inseparable, making plans for their future, fully believing that that was going to last. But then the adult life had kicked in, and, little by little, they lost contact to each other. Then there were his shipmates, his colleagues. Their bond was solid, but it lacked real substance. The whole concept of having a ‘best friend’ seemed so juvenile and naïve, that John deemed it infeasible to form that sort of relationship between adults. Until he met James, he did not know that such unity of souls was even possible.

After everyone went to sleep, he and James were left on the patio, drinking beer and amusing each other with outrageous stories. It was one of their favorite games: one let his imagination fly, repurposing some true story, and the other had to distinguish fact from fiction. In a while though, John had decided to speak about his revelation.

“I gotta tell you something, mate.” Silver said after they clinked their new bottles.

“Am I gonna like it?” James arched his brow, settling comfortably on the couch.

“I bloody hope so.” – John grinned, catching Flint’s eye – “I just wanted to tell you that you’re my best friend.” Silver thought that even that simple admission sounded a bit pompous and was already expecting Flint to tease him mercilessly but was surprised to see James nodding his head slowly, entirely serious.

“I’m _your_ best friend, and you’re _mine_.” James said simply, as if stating the obvious, and shrugged, corner of his mouth curled.

They sat in comfortable silence for another minute, each relishing that moment of frankness. John could not stop smiling, feeling like he could take over the world with James on his side.

“So…you wanna make bracelets now or what?” James said humorously, squinting his eye.

“Piss off.” John laughed, covering his face with his palm. They got each other and it was one of the best things he had ever experienced.

John could also remember clearly when it all had changed. About four years ago a group of marine biologists came into town to research the region. It was not high season, the weather was rather ghastly, so James and he were happy to make an arrangement to accommodate the entire group at their inn long-term. It was great to have people around and that winter felt lively.

Among them was Lars, a post-grad working on his Masters. He was a stunning young Swede, tall, blonde and handsome, just the kind of man that could immediately catch everyone’s attention as soon as he entered the room. Apart from his looks, his easy manners and laid-back attitude swiftly gained him everyone’s affection. Every woman in town was smitten with him. Lars himself, however, only had eyes for James.

John had noticed the heated gazes the young man was sending Flint’s way. He could not blame him. James was an embodiment of virility and he carried himself with such confidence, so comfortable in his own skin, that it was captivating to simply watch him go about his business. James had never paid much attention to his admirers, saving all his affection for his daughter and John’s family. From time to time he had been indulging in some brief flings with women, who came into town on vacation. He himself used to say that he was not currently looking for anything permanent, and he did not allow himself to mess with locals, possibly avoiding hard feelings after inevitable break-up.

“That cute boy has taken quite a fancy to James.” – Madi said one evening, as they were driving home from the inn – “He hangs on _captain Flint_ ’s every word.” She smiled, referring to James like Lars always did, as he was resolute to address Flint ‘properly’.

“Well, he’s in for a treat.” – John chuckled – “Yet I could not bring myself to tell him that James only likes women. Do you think I should? Save him some heartache.”

“Oh, that’s so considerate of you.” – Madi teased, patting John’s leg – “But I’d advise you to let them figure it out between themselves.”

A couple of weeks later John had been searching their office for a tax ledger, only to remember that James had taken it home to go through it in his free evenings. Silver headed down to James’ without even giving him a call beforehand. It was his day off and, knowing Flint’s habits, John was sure to find him at home at this early hour. Despite of rigorous daily regime in the Navy, James was not a morning person, preferring to sleep off whenever he could. 

John knocked on the door with a smile, expecting Flint’s groggy form to appear and chastise him for bothering him so early. To Silver’s utter shock, it was Lars who came up to open the door for him. The Swede beamed at him.

“Oh, hi, John!” – Lars said, being as friendly as ever – “Please, come in. James is in the shower now.” The fact that Lars was wearing one of James’ old band T-shirts did not escape John. His eyes became wide with disbelief. He did not anticipate that one bit. Thankfully, Lars had already walked inside, never catching Silver’s dumbstruck expression.

“Good morning.” John had finally managed to say, following the young man to the living room. He sat down there awkwardly, unsure what to do next.

Thankfully, in a minute James had joined them. “Hey, mate, want some coffee?” He smiled at John, passing him by. His hair was still wet from the shower, some droplets falling onto his neck. He was wearing a tight tank top and loose pajama pants, that did nothing to obscure his masculine form. John had noticed how hungrily Lars was tracing James’ figure. The young man walked up to Flint from behind, sliding his arms around James’ waist and collecting the waterdrops with his lips. Silver felt surreal.

“No, thanks.” – John finally managed to croak – “I’m actually here for our tax ledger, I’m gonna need it for the review with insurance people later today.”

“Damn, is it this time of year already?” James said, while simultaneously reaching around his shoulder to caress Lars’ head with his fingers.

“Yeah. If you could just give it to me, I’d be on my merry way.” John did not know if his grimace could pass as a smile, but thankfully both men were too busy with each other to look at Silver’s face.

As soon as he got his hands on the ledger, John hastily bade his farewell and drove off. He did not remember how he got to the inn. He locked himself in their office, sat down and tried to assess that situation. He had never noticed James being interested in men, it was indeed too damn surprising. What really bothered John was the fact that he was absolutely _livid_ about it. He had no problem with homosexuality, or, in that case, bisexuality, but somehow, he felt betrayed, like James was keeping secrets from him. 

It only got worse from there. For about a week John had been avoiding coming over to the inn, doing all his work from home. Madi told him that Lars had moved in with James and that they became practically inseparable. She was apparently quite pleased with that outcome.

“They are such a handsome couple, it’s almost unfair to all of us! I’ve never seen James this happy with someone.” Madi said with a fond smile.

Unconsciously, John crumpled a sheet of paper he was holding. At this exact moment John got a message from James, telling him that he and Lars were planning to go out fishing and were going to be back in two days.

“Goddamn it, he’s not even asking me to handle the business for him anymore! I’m not his _employee_!” John exclaimed, fuming at the screen.

“Well, you were home all week-” Madi started, but John interrupted her swiftly.

“Whatever! I’m gonna pick up Jim now, till later.” He said, heading out of the house. It was stifling.

Three days later John, Madi and Jim were having a cozy evening on the couch, as they heard a car on their driveway. Madi came up to open the door for James and Lars. They both looked windswept and tired, but very joyous. Jim immediately ran up to hug James and give Lars a very proud high-five.

“Hello, Silvers.” – James said, grinning at them – “We didn’t mean to bother you, but we’ve caught some huge brown trouts. Your favorite, Madi.”

“It was a great haul; it just wouldn’t do not to share.” Lars added sporting his million-dollar smile.

“Oh, you both are darlings, thank you!” – Madi said, accepting a big bag with fish – “Would you like to stay for a supper?”

“Thanks, love, but we are utterly exhausted.” – James said, slinging his arm around Lars’ shoulders – “Shower and bed, that’s what I’m dreaming about.”

“Yeah, so am I.” Lars said poignantly, smirking at James in a rather lewd fashion.

“Understandable.” Madi laughed, walking them to the door. The men wished them all a pleasant evening and drove off. John had not uttered a single word.

A couple of days later John found James in the office, negotiating prices with local vendors over the phone. Silver sat down opposite him, studying Flint’s face: he looked…content, even more so than usual. That slight change in him was barely noticeable, but to John it was as clear as daylight. James winked at him, rounding up his call. John gave him a crooked smile. They had not talked much those couple of weeks and John only now realized how much he was missing James’ company.

“So, fella, what’s good?” James asked, grinning at Silver with his usual easy charm, twisting a pointy tip of his moustache.

“Nothin’ much, comparing to you.” – John said, tilting his head to the side – “How are you doing?”

“Pretty great, can’t complain.” – James said, checking his screen – “You know, our river exploring guests are leaving in a week.”

“I’m aware of that.” – John said carefully – “And Lars…?”

“Oh, he has decided to stay, at least for another couple of months. His research supervisor gave him green light.”

“Right…” John said lamely, feeling unpleasant tightness in his stomach.

“You got some opinion worth sharing, John?” James asked calmly, staring him in the eye.

John knew then that he could not lie to James as efficient as to others. He dropped his act, peering into Flint’s eyes seriously.

“It just came in as a bit of a shock. I never knew you swing both ways.”

“You never asked.” – James said, looking at him intensely – “Do you have a problem with that?”

“No, I don’t! It’s just-” John protested, averting his eyes.

“You see, you’re telling me this, but I somehow sense it’s bullshit. You’re acting weird.” James’ tone was unapologetic.

“Can you really blame me for this? It was rather unexpected to see Lars over at your place and-”

“-I understand that you wouldn’t be as surprised to see _a woman_ there, but I feel like it’s a particular _issue_ for you. You know, even now you got that silly look on your face, as if you’ve witnessed me fucking a goat.” – James huffed out a quiet laugh – “I’m bisexual, mate, it’s not a big deal.”

“I’ve never seen you hitting on any guys before.” John studied Flint’s face as if he was seeing it for the first time.

“What do you want me to say? Maybe there were no guys around worth hitting on?” James shrugged, sipping his tea as if nothing happened.

“I suppose _Lars_ is special then?”

“He is.”

At that last admission John felt his insides clench painfully. “You barely know the guy.”

“I’m not getting _married_ to him, mate.” – James laughed – “We’re spending time together. He’s just staying at my place for the time being. I was getting all lonely there since Eleanor had gone to college. Who knows what’ll happen later?” He shrugged nonchalantly.

“Well, I guess I oughta congratulate you.” – John said, feigning sincere smile – “Enjoy it till you can – he’s way out of your league.”

James only chuckled, giving him a V-sign.

Lars stayed for much longer than anyone had anticipated. Couple of months had stretched out for half a year. It looked like everything was going great for them. John had rarely seen James _that_ peaceful; he was all smiles. On Madi’s request, every Thursday they were having a dinner together. Everybody was enamored with Lars, always praising his sense of humour and good nature, devoid of arrogance. He was obviously head over heels for James, almost constantly plastered to his side, never seizing to touch. Everybody found that extremely cute. Everybody except John.

Silver was no fool: after one particularly violent nervous breakdown, which thankfully no one had witnessed, he knew from where this was all coming from. He could not stand looking at James in Lars’ arms. He shuddered with rage every time he saw them kiss. He could not bring himself to act casually whenever Lars was trying to engage him in conversation. He did not want to see his face. He hated the day those biologists rolled into their town and ruined everything for them.

He was jealous. Jealous of his best friend. And it was not because he did not get as much attention from said best friend. It was because he craved to be in Lars’ place. He wanted James to look at him with that soft smile. He wanted James to swing his strong arms around _him_. John had never been with another man before, but that bitter jealousy had truly opened his eyes. Only then had he realized how often his eyes traveled in James’ direction, how eagerly he was always watching him, admiring him. He remained oblivious for years and that sudden realization of his true desires really messed him up. It all was overwhelming, and he felt like he was going insane.

He could not stop feeling that way so he decided to at least hide it as best he could. He had stopped hanging out at James’ house, and made multiple excuses not to go out fishing, even though the season had started two months ago. At all costs, he avoided staying with James alone. He had focused entirely on Madi and Jim, arranging trips to the national park and nearby towns. His family was happy to enjoy his attention. But in his head John was almost constantly screaming into the void. He was suffering, but there was no way he could end this. He kept his mouth shut.

Of course, James had noticed his unusual behaviour. He had tried to have a heart-to-heart talk with John dozens of times. And John had managed to successfully evade him, always coming up with new excuses. He had even brought up his dead mother once, hating himself for that insincerity and for being the cause for that concerned look in James’ eyes. He loved those eyes. He never wanted them to show any sign of sadness. All he had to do was to get over himself and cherish what he had in life. He had repeated that mantra so often until words started to lose their meaning.

As far as terrible aftertastes went, vodka was not that bad. John could hold his liquor pretty well, so he hoped to be finished with that bottle till nightfall. Madi and Jim were in London visiting relatives, but John stayed at home, welcoming an idea to be on his own for a month. He told James that he was having a little vacation and took to copious drinking.

Tonight was different though. Madi had called him in the morning: it was the day of their official arrival to Sweden, they used to celebrate it every year. After he finished his call, John gloomily looked around at the chaos in his living room. He resolutely cleaned up and finally took a long shower. Fresh and clean, he sat down on his couch and poured himself another measure. It had started raining and it was already dark outside. He did not bother to switch on the lights, staring out of the window with unseeing eyes, reveling in his quiet despair.

He was startled to his core as he heard a loud knock on his door. Rushing to it, he knew it could only be James. And there he was, standing on his porch, already soaking wet from the pouring rain.

“Bloody hell, what a fucking weather!” Flint growled, swiftly coming inside, nudging John with his shoulder.

“Come on in…” John mumbled, shaking from that unexpected arrival.

“Celebrating, I see?” James gestured to the open bottle on the table.

“Yeah, sorta.” – John shrugged – “Seven years in that blessed land.”

“That’s why I’m here.” – James smirked – “Gotta keep you company.”

“And what about Lars?” John asked snidely, unable to control his voice fully.

“It’s just me tonight.” – James said calmly, settling on the couch and switching on a dim lamp – “So, you gonna give me a glass for it, or are we drinking straight out of the bottle?”

“You know where the glasses are.” John waved his hand noncommittally.

“Yeah, whatever.” James snorted, took a swig out of the bottle and then profited it to John. As he took it, their fingers brushed against each other and for the first time in months John had felt something crawling in his stomach. He too took a mouthful from the bottle, trying not to concentrate on the rim that James’ lips had just touched.

“What’s with all that boozing alone?” – James asked after a long pause – “I kinda hoped you’d call today.”

“Just felt like being on my own a bit.” John shrugged, watching the raindrops sliding along James’ neck and down into the open collar of his wet shirt.

That was no good. He was way more drunk than he previously thought. With some effort, he tore up his gaze from his best friend and concentrated on his own hands grasping the bottle tightly.

All of a sudden, Flint’s warm broad palm covered his own. James put the bottle away, and then gave John’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

“I’m worried about you.” – He said seriously, trying to catch his eye – “Talk to me, please?”

John felt a wrenching pain in his chest. James was genuinely concerned about him, and he had no idea what John had been up to. His ignorance astounded John, he was sure that, of all people, he could not fool Flint with his acting, but, apparently, he was keeping up the appearance pretty well.

“I-” John started, trying to come up with some feasible excuse for his depressing mood. But then he looked up at James and was mesmerized by his kind gaze. James was slightly furrowing his brow, focused entirely on John’s face. John’s eyes unwillingly followed another raindrop making its way down James’ cheek and disappearing in his beard. Silver gulped loudly. He could not take it anymore.

“I’m in love with you.” He said in a gruff voice, watching Flint’s face. His expression did not change immediately, as if he did not register what John had just said.

“You-” James blinked a couple of times. 

“I am in love with you. You heard me correctly.” John said, suddenly finding the whole situation funny, he grinned at the dumbstruck expression of James’ stupid handsome face.

“What are you saying? How much of _that_ had you drunk already?” James’ tone was concerned, he let go of John’s shoulder and Silver felt the absence of his warmth viscerally.

“Seems like exactly the right amount.” – John shrugged, suppressing the urge to giggle – “Made me finally tell you the truth.”

“John, that’s a pretty shoddy joke-”

“-I’m not fucking joking, James. That’s what was happening all this time, why I was acting all weird and distant. I can’t stand to see you _with him_ and it’s fucking tearing me apart.” Only now John realized how easy was it to admit his feelings and speak from his heart. A bit Dutch courage and here they were. Sitting in silence on his couch, his family photos on the opposite wall.

“Say something?” John said quietly, at once not feeling that mirthful.

“I don’t know _what_ to say.”

“Well, that was still something.”

“I’m sorry, John, I can’t believe what’s happening.” Flint’s eyes became terribly large. Silver was watching him with bated breath.

“I never wanted to lose your friendship, or make you despise me for that confession…” – John said, clenching his fists – “But that’s what I really feel. I tried to deny it, rationalize it, forget about it, but nothing’s working.”

“What do you expect me to do?” James asked, looking at him with confused expression.

“I have no idea. Don’t punch me in the face, though, it would be harder to explain.”

“For fuck’s sake, John, I’m not gonna punch you!”

“That’s a relief. You’d definitely fuck me up.”

“Undoubtfully.” James sounded a bit hysterical.

John grinned unwillingly, still watching James’ every move.

“Why the fuck _now_?” Flint managed to finally ask, ruffling his hair absent-mindedly.

“You and Lars…” – John answered pensively – “I guess I had never even entertained the idea of _us_ being…together before I saw you with him.”

“God, that’s fucked up.” – James raked through his hair – “And Madi-”

“She doesn’t know. I’m only telling you now.” There was a long pause that made John squirm.

“I gotta go. I need to clear my head.” James said resolutely and promptly stood up.

“It’s freaking pouring out there and you just had a drink-”

“’Twas merely a swig, I’ll be fine.”

“Well, if you crush your car into a tree, don’t come up from afterlife to haunt me _even more_ , alright?” John said, following James to the door.

“Very fucking funny, John.” – James rapidly turned around, he looked furious – “I get it, it must have felt great for you to come clean, but I’m not sure you realize that you’ve just dumped quite a load on me.”

“ _I wish_ I could.” John said without thinking.

“Bloody hell!” – Flint was fuming at him – “Are you bullshitting me? It really is some kind of twisted joke of yours, isn’t it?”

John did not know what had gotten into him but seeing James’ distressed face and hearing his exasperated tone did something to him. He quickly pushed James back, holding him up against the front door with his whole body. Before he could think again about consequences, he kissed James with all the terrible longing he was feeling all this time. As soon as their lips met, John moaned weakly, holding James’ face between his palms. He was shaking like crazy, and he felt James trembling as well. Flint did not reciprocate, he simply stood there and let John rain kisses on his lips, cheeks and chin.

“ _Fuck, I want you so bad_.” – John muttered against James’ ear, feeling him shuddering – “I can barely stand it, I need you, _just you_.” He proceeded kissing James’ neck, then biting his earlobe. Flint still stood unmoving, trapped between Silver’s body and the door, as if paralyzed. Silver knew how strong James was: he could have released himself from his grip in no time, but for some reason he had not done it yet. That made giddy excitement curl in the bottom of John’s stomach.

“James, I know I’m ruining everything right now.” – John whispered against Flint’ lips – “ _But please… If you feel…Oh God, please_.” He lunged into another kiss but this time it was different. This time, James had actually responded, and John felt like he was losing his grasp of reality. James’ lips were soft yet demanding, he opened his mouth and John immediately slid his tongue inside, meeting James’ own halfway, and that shook him to his core. They kissed fervently, panting into each other’s mouths. John felt Flint’s hand sliding through his damp hair, holding his head for a better angle, and he could not suppress his encouraging desperate moans.

That was it, now he knew what it felt like and he knew that was all he was going to crave from now on. John pressed himself even closer to James’ hard body. Flint must have felt John’s straining bulge against his own crotch. He breathed out sharply and yanked a fistful of John’s hair on the back of his head, breaking the kiss. With his left hand, Flint held Silver by his jaw. John looked up at him with hazy eyes, trying to catch his breath. His lips felt tender from James’ beard.

“You bloody wanker.” – James huffed out, peering into Silver’s eyes – “We can’t fucking do it. Even seven years ago we could not do it, and _now_ is definitely not the time.” Flint let him go, leaning heavily on the door.

“I know.” – John’s hands were still cupping Flint’s face – “You’re right.” – He took a long stuttering breath – “You’re right.” He repeated, stepping away, even though his whole being was screaming to never break this contact. “But please, don’t go now.”

“I can’t stay.” – James said, shaking his head, and John thought he could see anguish in his eyes – “I’ve got someone waiting for me at home. And you have a family. Sober up.”

He quickly turned around and went out, slamming the door behind him. John stood there for a while, until sinking to his knees, leaning on the door frame, and letting his tears flow.


End file.
